Difference between revisions of "Rag Mag Jokes"

Revision as of 23:34, 13 March 2015

Q: What's green and wears boots?
A: Grass. I lied about the boots

Q: What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?
A: A nun with a spear through her head

Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
A: Doug

Q: What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
A: Douglas

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?
A: Bob

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel

Q: What's the height of pain?
A: Sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks as brakes

Q: What's the height of cheek?
A: Pissing through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went

Q: What's the height of cheek?
A: Crapping through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking for some toilet paper

Q: What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder doing the cleaning at night?
Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark

Q: What's red, sits in the corner and cries?
A: A baby eating razor blades

Q: What's black and white and re(a)d all over?
A: A newspaper

Q: What does a spastic make in metalwork?
A: Friends

Q: What do you call a leper in a bath?
A: Porridge

Q: How do you stop a <insert ethnic minority here!> from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head

Q: How do you get four elephants in a Mini?
A: Two in the front and two in the back

Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: Four footprints in the butter

Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your fridge?
A: Eight footprints in the butter

Q: How do you know four elephants have been in your fridge?
A: There's a mini parked on the driveway

Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Q: What's the difference between a chick-pea and a lentil?
A: I've never had to pay to have a lentil on my chest

Jokes

• Q: What's green and wears boots?
  
• A: Grass. I lied about the boots
  

< /br> Q: What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?
A: A nun with a spear through her head

Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
A: Doug

Q: What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
A: Douglas

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?
A: Bob

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
A: Russel

Q: What's the height of pain?
A: Sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks as brakes

Q: What's the height of cheek?
A: Pissing through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went

Q: What's the height of cheek?
A: Crapping through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking for some toilet paper

Q: What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder doing the cleaning at night?
Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark

Q: What's red, sits in the corner and cries?
A: A baby eating razor blades

Q: What's black and white and re(a)d all over?
A: A newspaper

Q: What does a spastic make in metalwork?
A: Friends

Q: What do you call a leper in a bath?
A: Porridge

Q: How do you stop a <insert ethnic minority here!> from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head

Q: How do you get four elephants in a Mini?
A: Two in the front and two in the back

Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: Four footprints in the butter

Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your fridge?
A: Eight footprints in the butter

Q: How do you know four elephants have been in your fridge?
A: There's a mini parked on the driveway

Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Q: What's the difference between a chick-pea and a lentil?
A: I've never had to pay to have a lentil on my chest