Difference between revisions of "Rag Mag Jokes"

Revision as of 23:30, 13 March 2015

Q: What's green and wears boots?< /br> A: Grass. I lied about the boots< /br> < /br> Q: What's black and white and can't turn around in corridors?</br> A: A nun with a spear through her head</br> </br> Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?</br> A: Doug</br> </br> Q: What do you call a man without a spade on his head?</br> A: Douglas</br> </br> Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?</br> A: Bob</br> </br> Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?</br> A: Russel</br> </br> Q: What's the height of pain?</br> A: Sliding down a razor blade and using your bollocks as brakes</br> </br> Q: What's the height of cheek?</br> A: Pissing through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking how far it went</br> </br> Q: What's the height of cheek?</br> A: Crapping through a letterbox then knocking on the door and asking for some toilet paper</br> </br> Q: What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder doing the cleaning at night?</br> Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark</br> </br> Q: What's red, sits in the corner and cries?</br> A: A baby eating razor blades</br> </br> Q: What's black and white and re(a)d all over?</br> A: A newspaper</br> </br> Q: What does a spastic make in metalwork?</br> A: Friends</br> </br> Q: What do you call a leper in a bath?</br> A: Porridge</br> </br> Q: How do you stop a <insert ethnic minority here!> from drowning?</br> A: Take your foot off his head</br> </br> Q: How do you get four elephants in a Mini?</br> A: Two in the front and two in the back</br> </br> Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?</br> A: Four footprints in the butter</br> </br> Q: How do you know two elephants have been in your fridge?</br> A: Eight footprints in the butter</br> </br> Q: How do you know four elephants have been in your fridge?</br> A: There's a mini parked on the driveway</br> </br> Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?</br> </br> Q: What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?</br> </br> Q: What's the difference between a chick-pea and a lentil?</br> A: I've never had to pay to have a lentil on my chest</br> </br>